Struggle mountain....... Week 4 weigh in.

I'm REALLY struggling this week. Not necessarily with food, more lack of exercise, and the amount of guilt and generally feeling sluggish is getting to me. AF has been really bad as well, which i'm sure isn't helping my mood at all.

Weigh in today was pretty disappointing.

Last week: 87.1kgs
This Week: 86.5 kgs
Loss: 600grams

Pretty bummed about it, and need to work out a way of eating healthier when we are out. I'm not doing too well on that department at the moment :(

Sometimes being a girl just downright sux..........

I've never really taken a great deal of notice when chicks say they feel really bloated around the time they are due for AF, until now that is. See, I have the Implanon in my arm, so i'm not meant to get AF, but lately she has been coming quite often, like until a month ago when it was week on week off. YUCK

Well, Today she is back in full swing and boy don't I feel crappy. VERY bloated, and damn my body is holding on to everything for all it's worth. I Only lost 100 grams yesterday, only to put it back on today, and while i'm still down 500 grams from Monday, It still makes me feel a bit crappy. Made even worse by the fact that Darren is home this afternoon after 2 weeks away, Yeah good timeing AF. Grrrr

Have I mentioned how proud of him I am? He's down to 102, so only 2 kgs from goal. He sent me a picture of how much he's had to pull his belt in the other night (HEAPS) so I'm very excited to see him this afternoon, although i'm not really sure what to expect!

Week 3 - Measurements Day

I always dread measurement day. I think it is because I never feel like i have lost anything, as my clothes are not fitting any different really. I mean I can notice that my tummy isn't poking out further then my boobs as much as it used to, but i still don't feel too different.

I've been pleasantly surprised with the last 2 weeks measurements though, and was again this week as well. I've lost a further 12.5 cms off my body for a grand total of 31.5 in 3 weeks. I'm beyond thrilled!

Here's the chart (click to see bigger)


On another note, i'm so very proud of my husband. He has lost a massive 12.5kgs and is now only 2.5kgs away from his goal weight. Go Team Smith LOL

Weigh In Day - Week 3

Starting weight: 90.5kgs
Previous week: 88.8
Current weight: 87.1
This week's loss: 1.7kgs

My notes:
I'm actually concerned that I'm not eating enough, and not drinking enough water. I've never been a huge water drinker, so i think I might actively try to drink more. As for the eating, I'm eating more regularly than before I started this, I'm just limiting my portion sizes to what they should be, instead of HUGE like they were. I'm pretty much averaging 800-900 calories a day, and everywhere i read says that you should not go under 1200. I think i'm going to stick with what i am doing for a few weeks, and see how i go.

I've also started walking more, by going on a 2.5k walk after i drop the boys to school a couple of days a week. Going to slowly build up the exercise.

BLAH!

Yep it's one of those days and all I want is Darren home to deal with everything so I don't have to.

The little dog had to go to the vet this morning, so he could get desexed. The vet makes you feel so bad, and tries to take you for every penny you have got. Things are pretty tight for us on the cash front at the moment, with Darren being away, so then I get made feel bad cause I couldn't do all these 'extra' things for the dog. I'm sorry buddy, i just don't have an extra 300+ dollars laying around the place for things that aren't even necessary.

To make matters worse, Madi didn't handle leaving Buster at the Vet terribly well, and cried and cried and cried. Trying to explain to a three year old that he will be coming home, when he wasn't coming home with us then and there, is bloody hard.

I have to call the vet at 3 to see how he is going, and if he can be picked up yet. I'm dreading having to go down there again, i seriously am.

Weigh in this morning put me up 100g as well. I know 100g isn't really anything, but it stings. Everytime I see the scale go up i feel defeated. I know that I shouldn't weigh every day, but at the moment it is making me stay on track. Seeing those numbers drop 6 out of 7 days DOES make it worth is, and now i just have to get over the day it goes up slightly. 300grams and i'm down 1kg this week as well. Should be doable.

Still haven't got on to my list of goals. Must get on to that.........

Week 2

Weigh in day was on Monday. I was dreading it, and it sure did disappoint. 88.8kgs. 400 grams more than when I had left for Gympie on the weekend, and only 200 grams down from the previous week.

What's worse was that I knew it was coming, but still couldn't shake the feeling of failure. I tell you what though, getting back into it on Monday was fantastic, and I felt much better already.

Today is Wednesday, measurements day, and I weighed in again. down to 88kgs. That's a loss of 2.5kgs in 2 weeks and 2 days. Much happier with that. Measurements were down as well, with a loss of 12cms from my body. That brings it to a total of 19cms all up.

Here's the chart so you can see where it came from. (Click on it to make it bigger)

Concerned....

This week seems to have been a little harder for me to deal with, but I'm staying strong and sticking to my plan. It's been really hard for me to get out and go for walks this week, as it's been raining, but I still try and get at least one in, even if it is just walking to school to pick up the kids.

I wasn't going to do my measurements this week, as I don't feel that they would change a great deal, but I ended up doing them anyway, and I was pleasantly surprised.

I'm not sure if you can actually read that, but it says that in total I've lost 7cms from my body in week 1. I think it's a little strange that I am losing Cm's from one of my legs and arms but not the other as well lol.

Anyhow, the reason for this post was that I'm a little concerned about how the weekend is going to go. See we are going away to Gympie for the weekend to see our friends and family, so the cooking will be out of our control. The eating will still be in our control though, as is exercise, so hopefully we don't come back too much bigger.

Normally we would stop at one of the servo's on the way to Gympie and have tea there, but instead we are still going to stop and have dinner, but I am actually bringing dinner with us. I'm not too worried about Saturday night and Sunday as we are going to my friends for the night, and she is part of this lifestyle change too, so we should be good there.

She has bought herself an exercise bike to help her fit a little more exercise in, so i'm going to give it a go and see what i think. Darren says that I won't use it, just like the treadmill, and he's probably right, but hey, he doesn't use the home gym we bought for him either!

So I guess I will update you after my weigh in on Monday. I'm currently 88.4 (2.1kgs down) and hopefully it won't be too bad news :)

Week 1

Starting weight 31st January 2011: 90.5kgs
7th February 2011: 89.0kgs
Week 1 Loss: 1.5kgs

This hasn't been nearly as hard as I expected it to be, and I think i'm doing pretty well. I'm using a program called fatsecret to help me count my calories and keep me on track, and it appears to be working.

I'm still eating pretty much what I want, when I want, I'm just making sure that I don't go over my daily calorie limit.

I have been weighing myself every day, and I'm not actually convinced that is a good thing entirely as on Saturday I had a gain and was soooo dissapointed in myself. All I wanted to do was curl up and cry, which I did, But i also wanted to eat. I'm very proud to say though that I didn't, and I stuck to my limits.

This week has made me realise a couple of things already. 1) I was massively over eating. Dinner portions were way more than they should have been and 2) I am an emotional eater and I eat when I am bored. Both these things have obviously contributed to the massive weight gain over the years, and both are going to be worked on.

I am well aware of them now, and have made changes. Dinner is now in correct portions, and it is also being eaten slower. I don't go back for seconds or thirds, and you know what, I actually feel full after eating it.

The first day was torture, I was STARVING, 2nd day wasn't too bad, and by the 3rd day I was literally having to force myself to eat more.

This eating healthy thing though, is costing me a lot more money, especially with the price of fruit and veges after the floods and cyclones. It is definately cheaper to eat unhealthily, and I think that is a massive problem with today's society.

This week I took measurements and 'Before" photos, and I'm horrified at both results. I'm way too embarrassed to post them online for the moment, but it will happen one day.

Here's onto week 2!

The Beginning..........

Ahhh I don't even know where to start this, so I guess I should tell you a little about me and why i'm here.

I'm a SAHM to three kiddo's, who are 8, 7 and 3. In 2006 we lost our son Benjamin at 20 weeks pregnant. Burying your child would have to be the hardest thing we have EVER done, and I wouldn't want to wish it on anyone. It caused us a lot of heartache, and to this day, not a day goes by where I don't think about him.

On the 7th February, 2004 I married my best friend. I know people always say they are married to their best friend, but really he was. I had known him for nearly half my life, I had grown up with him, and we had never once had any kind of "i want to be more than friends" feelings, until I was pregnant with my oldest son.

I was going through a really nasty break up with my ex and I was pretty messed up emotionally. I think i cried nearly all day every day, and the only thing that kept me going was the life growing inside my tummy. At 9 months pregnant, I was at the local show, and I ran into Darren. We walked around the show for hours together, and I laughed like i had never laughed before. It had been so long since i had smiled let alone laughed, and it felt good. We stopped to watch the fireworks, and the baby was going nuts in my tummy everytime a bang happened. Darren wrapped his arms around me to feel the baby jumping, and that was the first moment I realised there was something there that had never been before.

Lachlan was born 2 weeks later, and within hours of giving birth, Darren was there sitting beside me, and continued to visit me every day while i was in hospital, and continued to keep me smiling. He saw Lachlan before his own father could even be bothered coming to see him. I couldn't for the life of me bring myself to admit to darren that I had different feelings. I mean who would want to be with a seriously messed up, fat single mother?

Darren continued being a massive support for me over the next 6 months, dropping in and seeing me, and playing with Lachlan. He also however, gained a girlfriend. Our fathers work together, so it was a normal occurrence to see each other at their work functions. He asked me whether i was going to the family chistmas party, which i was, and then told me that I would get to meet his girlfriend to see if i would approve. Holy rip my heart out and beat it with a stick.

Christmas party day came and i'm pretty sure Darren and I spend the whole day together and the girlfriend layed in the shed sleeping. We sat in his car and chatted for ages with Lachlan, and he took me for a canoe ride, threatening to tip me out.

The next day he came and asked me what I thought of his girlfriend. My reply "I don't like her, I think you should go out with me" Three months later, we were expecting our first child together. (GASP) 9 Weeks after Luke was born, I literally married my best friend.

Since then we have had lots of testing times, but the one thing that remains strong is our relationship. I battled with PND after Luke was born, Luke spent the first 12 months of his life sick and screaming due to having asthma. We lost Ben, Darren had to move to Brisbane for work, forcing us to live apart for 2.5 years, and only seeing each other on the weekends, fell pregnant with Madison and had a very difficult pregnancy with her. Lost one of my good friends that I grew up with due to epilepsy, and last of all me ending up in hospital on a life support system thanks to my gall Bladder, but that's a whole 'nother story.

I was always TINY growing up. I was always the shortest and smallest in the class. On graduation in year 12, I weighed a tiny 42kgs. Looking back on the photos now, I look sick, i seriously do, but that was just how I was. I ate like a horse, but i exercised a lot too.

When I started this weightloss journey, Iweighed 90.5kgs. More than double what i had left school at 11 years earlier. I don't ever want to be that skinny again, but i do want to be happy with myself. I weighed 60kgs on my wedding day and I would love more than anything to be able to fit back into my wedding dress. I want to be able to walk into a clothing shop and buy cool modern clothes, instead of having to head for the fat people section and dress in drabby clothes. Hell my mother wears more fashionable clothes than I do. It should be the other way around!

I know it sounds "cliche" but I want to be able to run around and play with my kids. I don't want to be the fat mum anymore. Lachlan was looking back at photos from when he was born the other day, and proceeded to tell me how skinny and pretty I was. (I was a size 10 after he was born) I know he didn't mean it to hurt, but wow it did.

Darren is currently working away in Adelaide again, so I only see him every 2nd weekend. I hate it more than anything and it's really really tough, on both me and the kids. about a month ago, after seeing how much weight one of our good friends has lost, he decided to give it a go too, so we are doing this together. His starting weight was 115kgs, and just over a month later, he's lost 8.5kgs and is just 6.5kgs from his first goal weight of 100. I think his overall goal is to be around 90kgs.

I've noticed a huge change in him. He is a lot thinner around his face, and his belly is starting to shrink. His pants are also a lot looser, and are starting to fall off him when he walks. I'm very proud of him, and he has given both me and my housemate the motivation to lose some weight.

We aren't doing any drastic diets, just watching how many calories we eat, and I'm slowly adding exercise to mine. Will update on the first week in the next post.

xoxo