Ahhh I don't even know where to start this, so I guess I should tell you a little about me and why i'm here.I'm a SAHM to three kiddo's, who are 8, 7 and 3. In 2006 we lost our son Benjamin at 20 weeks pregnant. Burying your child would have to be the hardest thing we have EVER done, and I wouldn't want to wish it on anyone. It caused us a lot of heartache, and to this day, not a day goes by where I don't think about him.
On the 7th February, 2004 I married my best friend. I know people always say they are married to their best friend, but really he was. I had known him for nearly half my life, I had grown up with him, and we had never once had any kind of "i want to be more than friends" feelings, until I was pregnant with my oldest son.
I was going through a really nasty break up with my ex and I was pretty messed up emotionally. I think i cried nearly all day every day, and the only thing that kept me going was the life growing inside my tummy. At 9 months pregnant, I was at the local show, and I ran into Darren. We walked around the show for hours together, and I laughed like i had never laughed before. It had been so long since i had smiled let alone laughed, and it felt good. We stopped to watch the fireworks, and the baby was going nuts in my tummy everytime a bang happened. Darren wrapped his arms around me to feel the baby jumping, and that was the first moment I realised there was something there that had never been before.
Lachlan was born 2 weeks later, and within hours of giving birth, Darren was there sitting beside me, and continued to visit me every day while i was in hospital, and continued to keep me smiling. He saw Lachlan before his own father could even be bothered coming to see him. I couldn't for the life of me bring myself to admit to darren that I had different feelings. I mean who would want to be with a seriously messed up, fat single mother?
Darren continued being a massive support for me over the next 6 months, dropping in and seeing me, and playing with Lachlan. He also however, gained a girlfriend. Our fathers work together, so it was a normal occurrence to see each other at their work functions. He asked me whether i was going to the family chistmas party, which i was, and then told me that I would get to meet his girlfriend to see if i would approve. Holy rip my heart out and beat it with a stick.
Christmas party day came and i'm pretty sure Darren and I spend the whole day together and the girlfriend layed in the shed sleeping. We sat in his car and chatted for ages with Lachlan, and he took me for a canoe ride, threatening to tip me out.
The next day he came and asked me what I thought of his girlfriend. My reply "I don't like her, I think you should go out with me" Three months later, we were expecting our first child together. (GASP) 9 Weeks after Luke was born, I literally married my best friend.
Since then we have had lots of testing times, but the one thing that remains strong is our relationship. I battled with PND after Luke was born, Luke spent the first 12 months of his life sick and screaming due to having asthma. We lost Ben, Darren had to move to Brisbane for work, forcing us to live apart for 2.5 years, and only seeing each other on the weekends, fell pregnant with Madison and had a very difficult pregnancy with her. Lost one of my good friends that I grew up with due to epilepsy, and last of all me ending up in hospital on a life support system thanks to my gall Bladder, but that's a whole 'nother story.
I was always TINY growing up. I was always the shortest and smallest in the class. On graduation in year 12, I weighed a tiny 42kgs. Looking back on the photos now, I look sick, i seriously do, but that was just how I was. I ate like a horse, but i exercised a lot too.
When I started this weightloss journey, Iweighed 90.5kgs. More than double what i had left school at 11 years earlier. I don't ever want to be that skinny again, but i do want to be happy with myself. I weighed 60kgs on my wedding day and I would love more than anything to be able to fit back into my wedding dress. I want to be able to walk into a clothing shop and buy cool modern clothes, instead of having to head for the fat people section and dress in drabby clothes. Hell my mother wears more fashionable clothes than I do. It should be the other way around!
I know it sounds "cliche" but I want to be able to run around and play with my kids. I don't want to be the fat mum anymore. Lachlan was looking back at photos from when he was born the other day, and proceeded to tell me how skinny and pretty I was. (I was a size 10 after he was born) I know he didn't mean it to hurt, but wow it did.
Darren is currently working away in Adelaide again, so I only see him every 2nd weekend. I hate it more than anything and it's really really tough, on both me and the kids. about a month ago, after seeing how much weight one of our good friends has lost, he decided to give it a go too, so we are doing this together. His starting weight was 115kgs, and just over a month later, he's lost 8.5kgs and is just 6.5kgs from his first goal weight of 100. I think his overall goal is to be around 90kgs.
I've noticed a huge change in him. He is a lot thinner around his face, and his belly is starting to shrink. His pants are also a lot looser, and are starting to fall off him when he walks. I'm very proud of him, and he has given both me and my housemate the motivation to lose some weight.
We aren't doing any drastic diets, just watching how many calories we eat, and I'm slowly adding exercise to mine. Will update on the first week in the next post.
xoxo
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